


The Soldier and the Captain

by ayuwensayk



Series: The Soldier and the Captain [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayuwensayk/pseuds/ayuwensayk
Summary: Steve and Bucky have been looking for each other





	The Soldier and the Captain

He stays inside all the time now. He’s too dangerous to be around other people. Last week, or was it a month ago, he isn’t sure it’s been too hard to keep track of time. But he had killed a mugger in a dark ally as he held a woman at knifepoint. It wasn’t particularly hard or even satisfying as it once would have been. He snuck up behind the guy, reached out and twisted his head almost 180 degree around snapping his neck and letting him fall to the ground callously. The woman was shocked to silence, her cries for help cutting off as she watched the guys body drop. And then he had mugged her himself and after he had let her run off he mugged the dead guy too because he needed the money.

He sleeps all day too, well if you can call laying on a dirty matrass in an even dirtier motel and staring up at the ceiling for hours on end ‘sleeping’. Considering all the laying he does, eyes closed or not, he doesn’t actually sleep a lot and the sleep he does get is restless and unsettling. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he failed his mission and saved his target. He knows who he use to be, or at least who he thinks he was but remembers nothing of that man.

He has long killed all the hydra agents he was able to tack down and destroyed all the Hydra facilities he could find on the east coast before the drugs they had him on started to wear off. Now in the midst of withdrawal he wonders if the pain will ever stop. He frequently thinks of killing himself and knows Hydra would be disappointed in him. He thinks about going back to them, the ones left behind anyway. He knows he could find more; Hydra is everywhere these days, all over the world. They brought him into this shit world kicking and screaming and in immense amounts of pain but they were his family. Hydra kept him safe and feed and clothed and armed and with them he had a purpose, with them he was shaping the world. Briefly he wonders if they would welcome him back or if they would terminate him for good, cutting all their losses and starting again with someone else. _NO!_ He thinks, yells inside his head. They are terrorists, bad people doing bad things and if he could he would kill every single one of them.  
They aren’t his family; he has no family or at least no memory of them. All he has are fuzzy memories of a sickly blond boy, but he could be a memory of one of his earlier missions. The sick boy could have been his target, long dead now by his own hands. But the emotions that fill him when he thinks of this boy are not ones he connects to any mission. Kindness, worry, protectiveness, frustration… admiration. But he’s not supposed to feel anything.

He thinks if he can find this boy then maybe he can find himself as well. This is why he doesn’t kill himself. This is why he has locked himself inside and is waiting this withdrawal out. So that one day when he can think straight, when he’s not sick on the inside he can get his answers.

 

***

 

Steve is sitting alone in a diner eating his dinner as he has done since the whole Sokovia incident. He needed time and space to think, away from the other avengers, away from the near constant fighting. Or at least that’s what he told them. He’s been on his own secret mission, something he has to do alone, or as alone as he can get. 

He’s on his second burger and fries when someone slides into the opposite side of the booth from him. At first Steve thinks it’s a homeless man wanting to share his food. It’s happened a couple times before, one of the many joys of being a public figure, or because of the hero thing.

"You know me,” the man says and Steve stops mid bit and puts his burger back on the plate. He does know this man, but he looks different from the last time they saw each other. He’s dirtier, grime covering every inch of his clothing like he hasn’t washing in as many months, his face worn.

“Yes, I do”, Steve replies calmly; even though his whole body is vibrating with nerves, excitement, happiness, worry.

“I don’t know you.”

“You did.”

“Who was I?”

“Your name is James Buchannan Barnes, and you are my best friend.”

“On the bridge...” and the man, James he is told, pauses before continuing, “you called me by another name?” he questions, as if he didn’t trust his own memories.

“Bucky.”

“I don’t know that name.”

“Evening Mr Rogers, more coffee?” a young waitress asks stopping by the table, the same one he has sat at every night.

“No, thank-you, Kelly.”

“For your friend then?” Kelly offers, looking to the dirty homeless man across the table for the first time. He doesn’t look back at her, his eyes narrowed and focused solely on his right hand where his fingers drum an unmeasured rhythm onto the table top in what Steve thinks might be irritation or worry.

“No, not for him either thank-you.” Steve replies, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Okay,” Kelly says unnoticeably, “have a good night,” and she turned to the next table. Steve watches her move on and when he was sure her attention is elsewhere he turns back to his friend.

“I’ve been looking for you”, Steve says letting his desperation bleed through into his words.

“I know,” is all Steve gets in return.

“You knew I was looking for you?”

“I was following you and your friend,” He says dejectedly, as if he isn’t happy with the situation.

“You were following me?” Steve asks in disbelief, “this whole time.”

“Since the hospital.”

“Why?”

“I have these…” he gestures to his head, “I need someone to help…” and he cuts himself off seemingly frustrated.

“Someone to help you remember them,” Steve finishes for him and he nods back once. “I’m with ya Buck…”

“Don’t... that’s not who I am,” he says cutting Steve off this time.

“James?”

“No.”

“Well what do I call you then?

“I don’t know.”

“What did they call you?”

“Asset.”

“Ass is right.”

“You’re a punk,” He says eyes narrowing.

“Yeah well you’re a jerk. Why didn’t you come to me sooner?”

“I was busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Taking care of Hydra.”

“I could have helped.”

“No, I had to be sure.”

“Of what?”

“Things.”

“Buck…”

“That I wouldn’t hurt you…”

“And you’re sure of that now?”

“To the end of the line pal.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“I know Stevie.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very good at summaries or notes or anything really.


End file.
